The Pondering Absurdist

I often wonder if my life experience is unique, or if everyone else is just like me… in one particular aspect that is alluded to by the image I’ve chosen to accompany the post, and that I will arrive at toward the end of this post.

As I have aged, the rest of my body has definitely followed along, and is currently showing the toll that living on the Earth for many years takes on a human body. It shows outwardly in the gray hair on my head (which first started appearing in my late 20s), the increasing amount and deepening of wrinkles, the increasing amount of hair growing out of my ears, and the decreasing amount of bodily hair on my legs and arms. Lately I’ve also started to notice that when I see my skin in a certain light it starts to look like that “crepe” skin that you notice on “old people.”

Not only is the aging showing externally, but internally as well. I have aches and pains that I didn’t used to have. Recent MRIs show me that my spine has degenerated significantly in a couple of areas (leading to some of the aforementioned pain), probably in part due to some of the auto accidents I was involved in earlier in my life. Of course there are some other, more private physical aspects that don’t quite work as well as they used to also, but we won’t dwell on those.

The only thing that hasn’t seemed to change much since my teenage years is my brain activity. From the moment I first awaken in the morning until the last moment when the sandman finally shuts down my thought processes, my brain is abuzz with constant activity. However, it’s not active with what I would consider to be “old people” thoughts. Unless I look in a mirror or feel one of the twinges of pain, my brain seems to be just like it was when I was a teen. It is filled with the constant wonder of the things I see around me, it’s filled with angst about certain topics, filled with movie quotes and song lyrics, filled with plans about what I want to do in the future, filled with lust, and impatience, thoughts of every hobby or interest that I’ve ever had, and the desire to do them again. I frequently have “immature” thoughts and make jokes about things that I probably shouldn’t as a “mature” adult. I don’t often think of myself as an “old person.” I still think of myself as that shy teenager who is afraid to talk to beautiful women. When I’m driving my car, I am constantly impatient if there is traffic, and yelling at the slow people who won’t get out of my way. When I finally get around them and get look at the white-haired driver, I scoff and say out loud, “old people…”

That’s what I’m talking about. Will there ever be a switch that flips in my brain that makes me stop thinking like a teenager and instead makes me complacent to be driving in traffic at the speed limit or slower? Will I ever give up all those plans I have for my life and just accept my fate, that I’m about to die in a couple of years?

Granted, even with my “teenage brain,” I do realize that I’m not getting any younger. Some of that angst I mentioned is not related to the fact that I DON’T have a full life ahead of me anymore. The fact that I only have a limited number of years left, and I won’t be able to accomplish everything I wanted to accomplish in life. Those thoughts tend to happen more often in the slow times, when I’m not doing anything particularly important. It’s those times that motivate me to get off my butt and do something that I have planned to do before I die.

Now to the finale… questions that ask for a response!

If you are a person who is “advanced in age” like me (let’s say 50 and older), how is/has your life experience been with regards to your own brain activity? Has your brain “matured” with your body to the point where you don’t have those childish thoughts anymore? Are you in a place where you think of yourself fully as an adult, with no remnants of immaturity left? An inquiring mind wants to know (please leave a comment).

PA