The Pondering Absurdist

, , , , , ,

Ponderings

Published by

ponderingabsurdist

on

Sometimes it feels like I’m talking to an empty room… but I’ll keep on posting anyway.

So, if there were such a thing as a “do-over” in life, is there one specific point in your life that you would like to return to, maybe 5 or 10 minutes prior, and change the event or situation that happened to cause you these feelings you have in the present? Or has your life been “perfect” as is, and you don’t wish to change a thing?

There are multiple points in my life where I have made choices that I wish I had made differently, but I’m only allowed the one jump back in time. Therefore, I would go back to the earliest event that I think caused the most drastic negative effect on my life, leading me to where I am today. I don’t know how I would be able to change things, as I was only 12 years old at the time, but I would return to the time when my parents joined a church that impacted my life to an unforgivable point (at least in my mind), and somehow convince them to allow me to continue being the sweet, nerdy little boy with huge plans for his future. Not letting said church turn this boy into an angst-filled, guilt-ridden teenager who succumbed to a less than perfect future and ruined plans because of his upbringing within that church environment.

Anyone else want to jump back? Anyone? Is anyone out there?

PA

4 responses to “Ponderings”

  1. Michael Williams Avatar
    Michael Williams

    please keep posting, i’ll finish off my comment in relation to that. but first:

    it’s tough for me to say whether I’d want a specific do-over. I always say that people that are in the low point of their lives want a do-over but because things are ok for me now, I see this notion of a do-over as a potentially catastrophic impact for the life I know now. i actually have a post in draft about this. but anyway, yeah – from this relative vantage point in my life, I don’t want the do over.

    very sorry to hear about how the church negatively impacted your life. I know many people will try and separate the “spirituality” from the tangible stuff but as a person coming from a guilt-driven family relative to the catholic church, I can empathize and agree with you. I have subscribers whose faith is a big part of their lives and I never want to make anyone feel badly about what they believe in. it’s just that I’ve concluded that the church exists as a feeder mechanism for social stratification and that the “lessers” minister to the “haves”. this, incidentally, is the belief of one of the biggest christian offshoot sects of evangelicals. the hypocrisy of this is too unpalatable for my sensitive taste buds and stomach. and it’s been this way to the point where I have no qualms about actually articulating it out loud should I detect its stench.

    people ask me why it’s such a big issue for me. and I’ll tell them gladly how it, not only was a destructive institution in my life, but that it also kept the yeomanry of post-Roman Europe in a state of illiterate misery for millenia until Martin Luther and the Calvinists up in the northern lands finally had enough of the bullshit – a millenia. then I close it by asking the person if they realize how many lives lived in that time and how many lives were ruined because of that.

    switching gears – “yay, let’s be happy kum ba ya again!” – lol, I was studying wordpress for a year before getting back into it. and I synthesized a strategy for really getting into the thick of the social circle. the hypothesis shouldn’t surprise you but the system is very much based on a social reciprocity. I see so many people here writing long posts and then when you get to the bottom, they’ll be lucky if they have likes from a spammer account. the thing with WP is that you just have to give and give and give for a year and a half before a reciprocity starts to flower. if i see that a person is too busy admiring their own selves instead of participating in the WP system, I know that it’s generally a waste of time to do anything more than read the post. it’s not even worth clicking the like button for me. does that make me a foot soldier in the social currency/social capitalism game? Yeah, I suppose it does. but such is the price to pay. I’ve just reconciled it all by making sure I find users like you whose content resonates with me and makes me want to comment because I know that my comment will get feedback and then it all becomes a nice little feedback loop with more and more people and then we’re all singing kumbaya in the campfire – except we are careful not to allow the beauty of the moment to calcify and think ourselves clerics of the social aesthetic and then we think ourselves too important that what we say becomes religion and then some little kid who sees all of this is like “man…wordpress is just like the church, i’m out of here” lol.

    have a good one PA. enjoy the rest of the Sunday. Mike

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. ponderingabsurdist Avatar
      ponderingabsurdist

      Thank you for the comment, Mike, and for the “chin up” advice. I had actually just logged back in to delete my post because I thought it might appear to be coming from a negative place. I told myself, “if there are no comments, then I’m going to delete it.” Then, dang it Mike, you had to go and respond with a comment. No, seriously though, I agree with a lot that you said and I do make an effort to stay positive whenever possible. I had just been emailing a friend about some of my history and I guess it got me a little bit down, hence the post about “could have beens.” Like you alluded to, we never know what could have happened if we had taken a different path in life. I could have been paralyzed in a car accident, or even died by now if I had gone a different route in life. I should just be thankful that I’m still alive and breathing, and life ain’t as bad as it could be. Thanks again for the positivity.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      1. Michael Williams Avatar
        Michael Williams

        hehe! sorry about that PA, i figured from the start of the post this was going to be one of those substantive pieces that I like to read. tbh, it didn’t sound negative at all. it sounded honest and genuine – two qualities that are not as readily thrust to the forefront in today’s social media.

        life is tough man. it really is a fight. and for too many of us, it’s not a fair one. i know i say this to everyone here but I wish you get that positive roll so that the Matthew Effect I was talking about in my other post can work for you.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. iamthesunking Avatar
    iamthesunking

    I know so many people who feel uncomfortable about churches and church organisations because of childhood experiences! I wouldn’t say it were the case for me, but it’s only now that I realise how insidious some of them were e.g. the Brownies, essentially a club which didn’t admit kids unless they promised to do their duty to God and the Queen.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment

Greetings… and welcome to the ponderings of a man in his “later years,” whose mind has been questioning things throughout his entire existence. Please enjoy your stay while you’re here and add your two cents if you feel so inclined.

Recent posts

Topics: , , , , , , , , ,